IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT…OR DONE

The more and more you sit and wonder and ponder about things the more you’re not actually doing what you seek out to be doing.

You will find an excuse, a reason why you shouldn’t do the things that make you feel alive, connected…LIT!

I know the feeling…

You feel like NOTHING is going to stack up, be good enough…especially when you have people around you trying to perfect the words you say or give you feedback that they think is constructive that then makes you retreat.

I get it.

All the good intentions in the world can mean nothing if you suffer from anxiety, self-esteem issue or have an addictive personality type because in your mind…everything has to be perfect or NOT AT ALL.

This stops you from feeling free.
You don’t allow yourself to feel things and block things.
It’s just easier.
Who can take another hit?
I don’t know that I can.

That I am ready to continue putting myself out there knowing that another HIT is going to come and keep coming…because then what!?!

How in the hell will I be able to cope feeling yet again that I am a useless, worthless piece of shift that nobody on the planet wants to hear from or talk to because…today…may well be my last day.

If something happens today and it doesn’t go according to plan who knows what could happen next.

When the dark clouds appear…it takes a hell of a lot more than love and light to get me out of this space.

It’s going to take a bloomin’ army.

And sometimes…I wonder…is the army capable of getting me out of here next time.

The depths of despair can come at any time and there is not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

What I can do is set myself up to have a good day…day after day after day.

I can make living my life a priority during the good times, the times I feel strong enough to be able to cope with my life and my world…the times I feel like I am able.

I can make some life choices that help me reshape my life and bring some peace and happiness to me.

I can make some decision around myself and constantly work on reframing my anxiety to find a place to feel comfortable opening up to.

I can continue to work on my mindset to realize that in life there are ALWAYS going to be ups and downs and life is NEVER going to be perfect.

There are going to be tougher days than others but by preparing my mind I am able to deal with the tougher days a lot more than usual.

By preparing my mind I am able to work on my mind to be strong in my self-belief so when the tougher days begin to appear…they are not as severe…and over time they may just begin to disappear, or at least not show up as often as they had been.

Only time can tell the outcome…but by making the decision to take my own mental, emotional, spiritual health into my own hands and begin to build a strong rapport and relationship with myself to understand my own triggers…this is what will help in the long run. This is what is needed, required to get me on the right path.

This is what I have been doing for a long time…
working on my mindset and my beliefs to ensure the dark days…they don’t appear…or if they do it is very rare now.

I made the decision…that my life was worth living and that no matter what anyone else said to me I had to follow my own guidance, my own intuition, and my own life’s purpose.

That my life was filled with amazing experiences, good and bad and the bad ones were just me walking in the wrong direction and they were NOT a reflection of the person that I am but simply a way of seeing that that specific pathway was not meant for me.

I began to shift my perspective on life and realize there are many opportunities and perfection isn’t important…connection is.

Feeling connected to me…
connected to others…
connected to all that is…

Knowing that if someone does not agree with me or have the same opinion as me and not only is that fine, it doesn’t mean I am wrong or have to settle.

Again, it shows me the pathway to avoid…what does not resonate…it shows me who I am…and that with no two people ever being the same I am ok to be who I am.

I realized that I don’t like to be pushed into anything because I am always conscious of my energy, of my soul, of my mind and by me being in the driver’s seat of my own life I am in control of what happens when and with who and I am safe.

My strength is the most important thing in this world…and I refuse to allow anyone to affect that.

My strength is what guides me…shows me the ‘safe’ path and allows me to feel free within the structure of it.

And then it hits me…
freedom is trusting…
freedom is knowing…
freedom is allowing…
freedom is connecting…
freedom is the ULTIMATE…

Am I ready to accept complete freedom…to release the safety…the strength…allow the vulnerable to play…am I strong enough within myself to allow.

My belief in all that is affords me the ability to explore…to purge…to explore some more…to allow and to begin impressing true FREEDOM.

FREEDOM from the binds that hold me…
FREEDOM from the life I once knew…
FREEDOM from the insanity within…
FREEDOM from the judgment of others…
FREEDOM from the expectation of self…

Because in fact…

The place that I desire to reside in is a playground not for all…
A place that allows me to truly push my limits…
Push the envelope…
Question…Experience…Explore…
Where I trust myself IMPLICITLY to provide me AUTOMATICALLY with the safety and the strength to finally feel R E A L. FREEDOM.

Never have I wanted something so much in my life that I CRAVE it…
need it more than money, more than food, more than anything…

It’s the next piece of the puzzle.
It’s the next phase.
The next state.
In my ever longing search for my true meaning, true calling in life.

Nothing is every going to be perfect…
or fucking done…
so even when…I go here…then…
omg then…
there will be the next level…
the next step…
the next phase…
fuck…

Why bother?!?!?!

Why do we both to be more…
do more…
have more…
experience more…

What is the point really???

I am fine as I am
Comfortable
Not needing for more…
(Really)
All seems ok…right?

That’s the thing…
Most people are happy with comfortable…
Most people are happy with just being…
Most people are happy with “It is what it is”…

I . AM . NOT .

Not for me.

I need something more to show me just how far I can go.
Just how far I can take this life.
Just what I am capable of.

Regardless of the risk.
Regardless of what it fucking means to anyone else.
Because…
No-one else matters…
NO_ONE…
N O. F U C K I N G. O N E. E L S E. M A T T E R S.

At the end of the day, I am the one who has to lie in bed at night and feel good about who I am and what I have achieved…
KNOWING…
in each and every fucking moment this could well be my last……..
I just don’t know when my time is going to be up and I refuse to accept that I am going to go to my grave with HALF of my work done or not having put E V E R Y T H I N G into being the next level version of me.

Of now owning my soul’s options.
Not allowing myself to see what else is out there.

It’s ok for others not to want what I want.
But I am sure as hell as only going to be focused on my SELF-FUL journey and anyone can come along with me…but if you hold me back, hold me down…POOF! Just like that, we are done!

I have love and compassion for others…
I want everyone to live their life the way they desire…
I will always step up and help another in need…

I will ALWAYS HELP ME FIRST.

Without helping myself, or putting myself first how can I possibly help anyone else…

It is impossible.

When you are always putting others ahead of you, you never truly allow yourself to explore what is capable.

Unless…you build helping others into your journey…
My journey, my path, my life work is a match of helping myself and others together so we BOTH live according to our highest goals, values and without limitation…to keep seeking the FREEDOM we are after.

KNOWING…we will never be done.
We are always learning, growing and expanding.
The no-one else can change our path.

Only we can.
With the thoughts, we think.
With the decision that we make.
With the person that we are…and become or becoming.

You have a choice.
We all have a choice.

You just have to make a decision and choose knowing it IS the right choice for you.

Trusting that the CHOICE has your back.

Trusting that the CHOICE you make will move you to the next level version of you.

When you can do that…you are truly living and not existing.