I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT

love & relationships Apr 09, 2021

Have you ever considered yourself a loyalist?

I have, and it is one of my highest values.

Recently though I was challenged.

You see, my intuition had been giving me these signs for a while now that I needed to make a decision around a person and a situation and actually, my loyalty was staring me right in the face saying "No, don't do that if you do that you won't be seen as a nice person." 

Yet underneath those surface-level words, I found myself intuitively knowing "This needs to happen and she isn't going to like it".

What was actually stopping me from doing what I needed to do, to break up with someone that I had built (what I imagined to be) a strong relationship with over the past 12 years.

I was afraid of confrontation.
I was afraid of feeling lost.
I was afraid of losing the relationship.
I was afraid of the impending feeling of fear about what I would say or do once I made the decision.
I was focused so much on the fear instead of the result that it actually was stopping me from making a decision.

I have some high values in my life - loyalty, purpose, security.
I have some strong beliefs around relationships and one is we can only ever be all of who we are, honour ourselves and respect the other person and this is what will present the most aligned outcome.

So why was this so challenging and scary?

I was actually holding back on making the decisions because our core human biological state is 'safety. Our ego, our DNA and our human structure only want us to stay in our safe bubble as that is what is certain.

This is why we find many shifts and changes take time to implement because we have to find the courage to step forward and make the decision and heck, what if I am WRONG.

Your intuition, that deep knowing, that part of you that isn't empathic specifically, but connected deep down into your heart space that defies all logic that is calm and focused (like the feeling you get when you know you are about to make the best dinner ever AGAIN because it's totally your jam) is the piece of you that is never wrong.

Even if you can't see the reason right now, right in front of you, like karma waiting to play out but in truth, if you have that 'soul nugget' churning then you only need to do one thing. Have the courage to follow it and know that in the end, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off you, you will feel free.

Back to my story...

So I decided to finally have courage, be completely respectful in my communication and show my gratitude and also my unhappiness (without judgement only fact), in fact, I went over and over the details of the communication in my head so many times that I ensured there was nothing that could be misconstrued or aimed as blame to the best of my ability.

I did it! I said what needed to be said and then I waited.

In those moments that followed I just knew in my heart, I had done the right thing for me and most likely for both of us.

The response that came back was actually kind of shocking...it was dismissive, rude and I was absolutely dismayed by the lack of care for me in any way that was being demonstrated.

It was all defensive, remarking on my decision as if I made a bad one, then stating that I made her question herself and her abilities and her backpedalling to find a reason as to why it was my own doing. Not once was there a moment in time where she acknowledged the loyalty, the 100% care I gave her, the commitment and investment of time and money along with referring multiple people her way.

Simply put...my loyalty only meant something when it suited them.

At that moment I understood my intuition and what it was trying to teach me.

To trust in my 'knowing' and that loyalty is a beautiful precious characteristic but it is never to be confused with or supersede strong boundaries, mutual respect and honouring of all parties.

Loyalty, when practised in an empowered space, is a strong relationship builder.

It can strengthen bonds and foster growth but it is important to always listen to yourself, be aware of what is going on and have the courage to take action when it feels like the relationship is shifting.

One thing I know to be true...is that if I know I have done all I can from my own space in a positive empowered way then the rest is out of my control and allow others to make the decision for themselves, regardless of what that is.

This is one of the most beautiful traits of becoming an empowered woman and tapping into your unlimited potential.

Lysa xo

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