I woke up and had a moment of tears, anxiety, stress and guilt.
I felt as though right here at this moment I was a failure, incomplete, burdened and destined to be ashamed of myself and my life for everything I feel I should be but am not.
I stopped, took a moment, shifted.
This isn't the first time this has happened.
So many times I have sat and cried about my life.
I have felt depleted, anxious, unworthy.
I have wanted to see myself as someone different because I didn't think I was enough.
I have desired some magnificent love in my life and always felt like it was out of reach.
That no-one likes me.
That no-one appreciates me.
That no-one would care about me.
Many times I have felt like the best option for me is to end my life.
This way I don't have to feel the pain, the burden, the struggle of my life.
This way I can leave all of the stress behind and feel free from this anxiety that continuously fills my soul.
And then I realised...
I was expecting the outside world to...
The outside world can never do this for me.
The way I feel about myself, the way I manage my emotions, the way I connect with and use my own energy and love is up to me.
It's not up to anyone else.
I can't blame my friends for not being there for me.
I can't argue with my husband for not supporting me.
I can't fight the world around me for never being available or providing things for me.
Comes from me!
The mind is blown.
It cannot come from another because I am the master of my own life, I cam the controller of my destiny, I am the manager of my emotions and if I continue to feel as though the outside world holds the power...then I will NEVER feel the way I want to feel.
I will never feel satisfied,
until I give myself permission to be all of that for myself and then I can magnetically attract the people in my life that also hold those values about themselves.
When I was in the energy of stuck, less than, powerless, sacrificial I attracted all of that into my life.
I have days where I fall into the energy of scared, lack and I realise more quickly now what is going on and bring myself out of it before it takes hold.
By choosing to shift my reality from pain and suffering, realising all of the experiences and struggles from my past no longer have a hold on me, provides me with an opportunity to connect more deeply into my soul.
To expand even further into a part of myself I used to be scared to venture into because I didn't recognise the energy of inner support, inner connection, self-love or the space within my soul to sit in the energy of the energy.
It takes a moment, for you to breathe and shift into this space, it will take you releasing the fear at that moment and go into yourself more deeply.
The very thing we miss in life, the very thing we crave in life actually lives inside of ourselves.
We fear it because we don't know it and the power of it can be overwhelmingly beautiful that if you aren't used it can seem scary.
You are in charge of your energy,
you are in charge of what experiences you want to have in this life,
you get to choose to become authentically you
...What do you want to choose?